Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Dating Tips First Date

Online dating articles can have some strange things to say about what you should expect from the first date. I've read so much about first date advice for men that I could write an encyclopedia on the subject. Well it feels like that anyways. Now why would I, the guy who has way more women than he can juggle at the moment need first date advice? To make a long story short I didn't. I've known how to handle a first date since high school. What I did need though was some dating advice for people who have been in a long term relationship and want to find a date. That was the dating advice that I was looking for. The first date advice was something that I read just because it was there... and it was entertaining to say the least. See? I told you that I'd make it a short answer.

So while I was looking for ways to meet more women, I had the benefit of reading a whole bunch of bad first date advice that came along with it. People who had watched way too many movies were telling me what to wear, how to avoid the wrong conversational topics and so on. At the time a lot of this dating advice might have had some relevance but that was before I started meeting women online.

So what's different about meeting women online as opposed to meeting women in everyday real life situations? Intent. That is the easiest answer that I can give you. Most people will tell you that you "Never know when you might meet that special someone..." Well I do! I'm going to meet special someones when I choose to. It's like a singles bar at my desktop and women who want to hookup are standing in line to meet guys who have a little bit of game.

I'm not going to write extensively about what to do on your first date but here are some easy to implement guidelines:

1. Don't think of it as a "date"

We are talking about women from Craigslist here. They want companionship and sex. Forget about touring the city or going horseback riding or whatever the hell it is people do on "dates". Go somewhere for a drink and some conversation.

2. Stay close to home.

What if she makes it clear that she wants to be alone with you? It happens. More than you might expect. Be prepared. The last thing you need is a 30 minute drive when she's in the mood.

3. Sit next to her if possible.

Staring across a table at someone is confrontational. If she acts funny about it at all just tell her that this is not an interview and you prefer side by side. If she puts up a lot of resistance you are already heading down the wrong path. Hopefully she's just strong willed but try to stay in charge without acting bossy. Besides, this will allow you to...

4. Touch her

Not in a creepy cop-a-feel way but casually. Start out with non invasive areas like her shoulder (the one closest to you) and her outer arm. Some of you are naturals at judging how far to go and when but if not be sure to respect her space but only as far as she wants you to. This can become a complex topic. Maybe I will do a separate post on this altogether.

5. Make her feel safe

Women like sex but they want to have it with someone who isn't going to hurt or stalk them. Tell her about how much you like animals or that you had a friend with a crazy stalker girlfriend. Don't tell her that your ex was stalking you. That could be scary for her. Communicate your "normalness". Once she trusts you it will be time to ramp up.

6. Escalate

Once you have had some casual conversation (an interesting one that is, none of the so-how-do-you-like-your-job? stuff) get closer to the point. Tell her about how you can judge a person by the way they kiss or does she want to see your (insert really interesting or unique object here) that you have at your place down the street. Give her a reason to be alone with you without making her feel sleazy.

Ok that's it for now. I'm leaving out a lot of details but this should get you started. If things don't seem to be going well and you figure it's time to bail, ask her if she wants to make out. Yes I am serious. Even if you screwed something up badly there is always a chance that she still wants to bang you. What would you have to lose at that point? Sometimes the answer will be "No" Anything other than that either means "Yes" or "Not yet".