Dating Tips First Date

Online dating articles can have some strange things to say about what you should expect from the first date. I've read so much about first date advice for men that I could write an encyclopedia on the subject. Well it feels like that anyways. Now why would I, the guy who has way more women than he can juggle at the moment need first date advice? To make a long story short I didn't. I've known how to handle a first date since high school. What I did need though was some dating advice for people who have been in a long term relationship and want to find a date. That was the dating advice that I was looking for. The first date advice was something that I read just because it was there... and it was entertaining to say the least. See? I told you that I'd make it a short answer.

So while I was looking for ways to meet more women, I had the benefit of reading a whole bunch of bad first date advice that came along with it. People who had watched way too many movies were telling me what to wear, how to avoid the wrong conversational topics and so on. At the time a lot of this dating advice might have had some relevance but that was before I started meeting women online.

So what's different about meeting women online as opposed to meeting women in everyday real life situations? Intent. That is the easiest answer that I can give you. Most people will tell you that you "Never know when you might meet that special someone..." Well I do! I'm going to meet special someones when I choose to. It's like a singles bar at my desktop and women who want to hookup are standing in line to meet guys who have a little bit of game.

I'm not going to write extensively about what to do on your first date but here are some easy to implement guidelines:

1. Don't think of it as a "date"

We are talking about women from Craigslist here. They want companionship and sex. Forget about touring the city or going horseback riding or whatever the hell it is people do on "dates". Go somewhere for a drink and some conversation.

2. Stay close to home.

What if she makes it clear that she wants to be alone with you? It happens. More than you might expect. Be prepared. The last thing you need is a 30 minute drive when she's in the mood.

3. Sit next to her if possible.

Staring across a table at someone is confrontational. If she acts funny about it at all just tell her that this is not an interview and you prefer side by side. If she puts up a lot of resistance you are already heading down the wrong path. Hopefully she's just strong willed but try to stay in charge without acting bossy. Besides, this will allow you to...

4. Touch her

Not in a creepy cop-a-feel way but casually. Start out with non invasive areas like her shoulder (the one closest to you) and her outer arm. Some of you are naturals at judging how far to go and when but if not be sure to respect her space but only as far as she wants you to. This can become a complex topic. Maybe I will do a separate post on this altogether.

5. Make her feel safe

Women like sex but they want to have it with someone who isn't going to hurt or stalk them. Tell her about how much you like animals or that you had a friend with a crazy stalker girlfriend. Don't tell her that your ex was stalking you. That could be scary for her. Communicate your "normalness". Once she trusts you it will be time to ramp up.

6. Escalate

Once you have had some casual conversation (an interesting one that is, none of the so-how-do-you-like-your-job? stuff) get closer to the point. Tell her about how you can judge a person by the way they kiss or does she want to see your (insert really interesting or unique object here) that you have at your place down the street. Give her a reason to be alone with you without making her feel sleazy.


Ok that's it for now. I'm leaving out a lot of details but this should get you started. If things don't seem to be going well and you figure it's time to bail, ask her if she wants to make out. Yes I am serious. Even if you screwed something up badly there is always a chance that she still wants to bang you. What would you have to lose at that point? Sometimes the answer will be "No" Anything other than that either means "Yes" or "Not yet".

One of my craziest ads yet!

I was thinking of ways to really get a reaction with my Craigslist personal ads. One benefit of posting free ads is that you really have little to lose. Take that and the desire to meet real women online and your brain starts to come up with creative ways to make that happen.

I decided to see how far I could push the envelope and came up with what I consider one of my most outrageous ads ever. Now I realize that one could create something with more shock value but let's remember that we are trying to meet real women online, not repel them. So how far can we go? Well, this is what I created, posted, and got some very interested responses to.



Keep in mind that most women feel that they could lose a few pounds even if they are not necessarily overweight...

"Lose weight while you date!"

"Ladies how would you like to stay in shape, meet someone who could become your potential mate, and participate in a study on the effects of rigorous sex on weight loss?

Yes this is a real ad. I am completely serious and not looking to just "hook up" for random sex. I have created a program that I believe can help people enjoy life more, stay in shape, and possibly sell a lot of books.

No your identity will not be revealed to anyone. There will be some before and after photos but your face will not be included anywhere without your permission.

Reply with a recent photo and brief bio for more information."


For the follow up I explained the details of the program as far as the when, where, and how often etc. Would you believe that I actually got responses from real women? I was blown away. It wasn't a lot but yes, there are some very horny women out there who expressed an interest in this program. Not many of them were all that attractive but most were willing and one in particular was hot enough that I decided to have an "audition" for her.

Be creative and see what you can come up with. Most importantly be different and you will generate interest. Have fun out there.

POF Meet Me

Next time you are sitting in front of your computer with nothing to do, check out the Meet Me section of Plenty of Fish. It's sort of like rate my face but with a better chance of meeting someone. I decided to experiment with the feature and it's a pretty cool way to save some time and increase the number of women that you will be chatting with. Much easier than pasting your reply into a bunch of profiles. A lot of them won't answer you but some will. The good news is that a reply is an indication that she is open to getting to know you a bit more.



Speaking of, I have been using POF a lot more lately and while it has it's challenges and complications (like women you are dating asking why you're still active so often) it is a great way to put yourself in a more proactive position than Craigslist. I have had some women send me messages on POF but I have to say that most of them I wasn't really interested in. That's the difference here. You have to contact the attractive women first as opposed to Craigslist where hot women will contact you although there is just so much spam in between.

If you haven't done so already do yourself a favor and make a profile on POF and OKCupid. They are both free and you will find plenty of women on both.

I added a search box to the blog. This was done for my own convenience because honestly I don't remember half of what I've posted and I'm trying not to repeat myself. Maybe you guys will find it useful too. Hopefully you've read my previous posts about the basics of pulling dates out of Craigslist. I haven't updated much here lately because I'm working on a way to better organize the information here. Most of what you need to know about meeting more women than you can handle is already here, just not in any particular order. Once I get everything together I promise everyone who is on the email list a free copy of the materials which will most like be in the form of an ebook.

Why some women can't get laid

I found this posted in a forum a while back. It was titled something like pick-up lines for women. There are actually a couple of good lines here but most of them suck pretty bad. Girls, don't make these mistakes. You either guys. I'll comment with my thoughts for each.

At a sports bar: "What's the most impressive goal you've ever scored in a game?"
Ok this might work if the guy happens to be/was a jock. True guys do like to talk about their accomplishments. Just make sure to change the subject soon because the topic doesn't really lead anywhere on it's own.

At a club: "I dare you to show me your moonwalk."
Kinda funny but not really. If he does show you a bad example are you going to feel more attracted to him? I see the point about being able to have fun but I'd prefer that the guy gets the girl to moonwalk instead. Now that is entertaining.

At a restaurant bar: "They have the best nachos here. Ever tried 'em?"
Boring.

At a friend's party: "I wanted to talk to you the second I got here, but no one introduced me. So I'm introducing myself."
I like this! You are making no excuses and getting right to the point even if you hesitated at first. Very direct. Use it.

At the laundromat: "I'm bored. What do you normally do when your underwear is drying?"
This would make me laugh. A lot of guys would go pervert though so be careful. You might not like the answer. For a guy to ask this he should have a good read on her at first. Otherwise he will sound like a perv.

At the park: "Any ideas on how to turn this blanket into a Twister board? I really want to play."
Too sexual. Ask me this only if you really do want to play. Naked.

At a baseball game: "I bet you a post-game drink that (insert player's name) will hit a home run this inning."
During a conversation sure. As an opener a bit much. That's the first thing out of your mouth? Who TF are you?

At the gym: "You look like you know your way around this place. Where's that machine that works your glutes?"
Really. You want to invite butt comments this soon? I hope you are ready for the response.

On the beach: "I bet you're wondering how I avoid tan lines."
Lame.

Catchy headline- Do you need one?

This applies to just about any personals site. I recommend that you use one or more of the free sites since most of the subscription based ones are full of fake profiles. A lot of them also censor your profile. I tried a couple of them quite a while back and one of the most frustrating things about the likes of Match, Yahoo personals, eharmony, etc. was that they just didn't get my sense of humor. The other thing that I noticed was the huge amount of fake female profiles. I don't want to say how I figured it out because that would allow them to take further steps to mislead tens of thousands of men into believing that the pictures you see in their advertisements are real women. Anyways, take my word for this:

Rule #1-attractive women don't need to pay to meet men but a lot of them will try a free site just for the hell of it.


A lot of what I have read places great emphasis on having a catchy headline. In my experience however this is not a big deal. The reason given for having a great headline is because it will "Get her attention." This absolutely works on Craigslist when we post in the M4W section because it's easy for a casual user to wander into that section in the same way that women like to go shopping. However when it comes to personals sites things seem to work a bit differently. While it might be true that some women do look through dating site profiles trying to find a date, it appears to be much less common here. From what I have seen and heard, the fact that you can be contacted once you have created a profile radically changes the dynamic. Once a cute girl posts her picture she will be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of guys trying to talk to her. No need to browse profiles unless... no one is trying to contact her! (See rule #1) Attractive women will take the time to create a profile because let's face it, this is a self indulging activity. But once she submits her profile hordes of men will be trying to get her attention. I am not saying that there aren't a few worthy women out there looking but they are the exception rather than the rule. Play the numbers and concentrate on a quality profile and first contact email. Don't sweat the headline too much. It is overrated.

If you are at a loss for ideas, google quotes from songs that you like, famous people, or philosophers. Try to choose something that won't put anyone off but something that you agree with. Remember it's not a big deal but in the interest of results I suggest that you choose something with a positive message, inspiration, or "seize the day" theme. It's hard for anyone to have a problem with this kind of stuff. If she does, you probably wouldn't want to meet her anyways.

Plenty of Fish Update

In the last week I have met up with four VERY attractive women from plenty of fish. While the success ratio for going from email to meeting up is about the same as Craigslist, the spam to real female ratio is 1,000 times better! In fact I've had a near perfect record when it comes to NOT being contacted by bots/guys posing as women. If you haven't already done so, get to work on your profile now! You can duplicate it on OKCupid so you'll be on two sites for the price of one... F.R.E.E.

For those of you who prefer the anonymity of Craigslist I understand completely. Just know that crossing over the line and posting a profile with your photo can potentially multiply your success rate like you wouldn't believe. If you happen to be one of those who does not photograph well then you might not want to go this route but... if there is any doubt in your mind or you don't want local girls to see you on a dating site just try posting in a different location. It's worth a try and if you get good results you might decide to post closer to home. Consider it practice at the very least.

I'm working on an outline that will help you put together an effective profile if you don't already have one. It's easy for me to write about myself but creating a sort of "template" for others to work from is a little bit tricky since I don't know the person that will be writing it. I'm going to spend some time identifying what seems to be working consistently so that others will be able to duplicate my method for POF and OKCupid. In the mean time you should at least open accounts at both sites and get familiar with the features that they offer. Between this and Craigslist you will be able to meet more women than you have time for. More coming soon...